If the Buddha Married

My mom loves this book called If the Buddha Married. For my birthday, she passed the book along to me. I strongly recommend it. Here's a small excerpt:

In relationships, people become attached to praise, validation, sex, security, status, and affirmations of their worth. Sentiments like, "You make me feel so bad" or "You make me feel so good" are both forms of attachment because no one can make us feel secure and our partner is not here to tell us we're okay. This doesn't mean that loving couples don’t validate or give support to each other, it’s that they don’t depend on it from their partner. It is given as a natural outpouring of love and care. As we loosen our attachments, our mind starts to quiet down and we feel more attuned to others. Our attachments don’t disappear, but we see them for what they are--the chattering of our conditioned mind. When we step back and ask, "Now what am I demanding that's making me so upset?" we become a witness to the unfolding drama of our lives. We start to see it as a passing show. We are in it, but not of it.

Marriage is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. Maybe it's because a lot of my friends are getting married or have gotten married recently. Recently, at a friend's wedding, I had two people tell me that I "was next." Good grief. I guess I'm sort of confused about marriage right now so this book feels so relevant. Having divorced parents and also being a strong advocate of gay marriage, "marriage" by religious and political definitions doesn't sit right with me. But, as I realized in a conversation with my mom, it's ok to redefine marriage in a way that works for us. The book has helped me start to rethink what marriage should be and what it means to me. Thanks, mom :)